Simplify Everything

When I heard that team owners, coaches, and radio mouths spent hours arguing and opining about the hand size of college quarterbacks entering the NFL draft, I knew that this wouldn’t be solved by tweet, tweeple, or twat (i.e., a stupid or annoying person). Put those analytics weasels to work and find an answer in a few minutes by simply testing with data. Never accused of promoting or valuing complex solutions to problems, I am a master of seeing the forest for the trees and in creating projects fifth-graders can do in their sleep.

Diet

Instead of packing your freezer and pantry shelves with expensive promises, stop eating.

---

Invent

Instead of filling your closets with new stuff every year, recycle holiday cards.

Instead of gentrifying to benefit the rich, recycle vacant hotels and motels into affordable housing.

---

Inflation

Spending Money You Don’t Have on Stuff You Don’t Need

Spending Too Much on Stuff You Don’t Need

---

Conserve

Add Water to Leftover Brewed Coffee

Build Motors that Use Less Energy than They Create

Build Motors that Create More Energy than They Use

---

Saving and Helping Others

Instead of buying Christmas trees when prices are up, stop buying them until prices come down.

Instead of buying anything when prices are high, buy what you can when prices are low.

---

All are Welcome

Sign on the door to the proctologist’s office:

We do not exclude, deny benefits to, or otherwise discriminate on the basis of race; color; religion; national origin; culture; language; physical or mental disability; genetic information; age; gender, including pregnancy, childbirth, or related medical conditions; marital status; sexual orientation; gender identity or expression; socioeconomic status; source of payment; or, as yet unnamed differences.

This, of course, requires disclosure which may be Catch-22. Why is “All are Welcome” not enough?

---