Best-Selling Author

The literary world has reached a new level of shallowness. Today, the only necessary people in publishing are the writer and reader and time, space, and lies are all that stands between them. As an academic, Tony believed, taught, and produced writing that was thinking written down and he succeeded at it with formulaic planning and precision (e.g., what goes here and there and why). He also knew about the models used by creative writers of non-academic stuff and was troubled by subsidiary or derivative offerings he called “talk written down, trash fiction and non-fiction.”

Tony made a fortune writing books. It was hard work and he often agitated when he thought about how anybody could produce a document with speech recognition software that let them do it and more from mindless chatter without thinking, planning, or writing a thing. His most famous work was a best-selling sequel (Liars’ List) about a serial killer who murdered 100 of America’s Top CEOs and Executives just because they talked for a living and lied. Here’s some other titles from his oeuvre.

The Dingleberry Chronicles

The Dry

The Wet

The Ocean

The Sky

The Idiot

The Biggest Idiot in the Room

The Former Village Idiot

Sea Sun’s

Wild Hair

Blue Hare

Wild Hare

Blue Hair

Blue Wild

Wild Blue Hair

Wild Blue Hare

Talk of Murder Not Who Done It

The Bloody Life of the Phlebotomist’s Wife

Obach Oblama-He’s No Friend of Mine

Last Days of Puhtred The Wurst Saxons’ Warrior

Mr. and Mrs. Bulshitova Meet the Kremlin Librarian

Two Pairs of Glasses in the Same Old Story

Woodie Gets a Woodie

Here are some opening lines from books he did not finish.

Hair Hare is best known for his hare hair and for when he ate eight carrot cakes.

Bear Bare is best known as the bare bear and as the cells that he sells. Night Night, Knight!

Keep playing players playing and fix non-playing players so they can play.

Her clothes bunched up in weird places and non-stop serial farting made her unattractive to moms foraging at Starbucks.

I read that book over and over and by the end of it I was a reader.

…and a poem he would potentially, eventually, and finally regrettably not publish.

wherever I go that is where I am,

and you can always find me there

wherever you go that is where you are,

and I can always find you there

wherever I go that is where I am,

and you know you can always find me there

wherever you go that is where you are,

and I know I can always find you there

He also cashed in on explosion in demand to be read to or talked to by Morgan Freeman or some other wannabee celebrity podcaster while driving to Mom’s and Pop’s Morning Out, doing Yoga, or avoiding work around the house. A few of his shows on Spotify and Apple offerings remain wildly popular.

Lying as Selling

Put Your Stuff in Front of People

The Hour of Silence

Flying in the Face of Inclusion

Black Girls Film Camp

Looking Forward to My Oldest Son Going to Kindergarten

The Bleeding Heart of Sanjanyani Bhupani

Easier Said than Done

My Weight Loss Journey

Big Reveals

Celebrity Slurping

Stop Paying out the Arse

Selling is Lying